Making Queen's a Home - Maddie Fellows (BScH Psychology, '24)

When I started at Queen’s, I felt like I wasn’t in the right place. I struggled with being so far from home, away from friends and family. At the time, I was in the Concurrent Education program and I was majoring in chemistry, which was a decision I made without thinking too much about it. I felt chemistry was something I knew I was good at, and I had always loved school, so I figured teaching would be a good enough career for me. I didn’t realize how little I knew about myself until I came to Queen’s and I was given the opportunity to learn so much more. 

Though first year was a year of massive growth for me, it took hitting a lower point in my mental health for that growth to arise. I had not yet learned how to be the best version of myself in relationships, and I lost friends from years before. I had made new connections at Queen’s, but I still felt displaced. I didn’t feel much like I knew what I was doing, and it felt like a rock bottom. 

I spent a lot of time on myself that summer after first year. I learned to take better care of myself. I was working at camp and doing things I loved, working with children, and harnessing my strengths. I started to really like the person I was becoming and I felt that I had so much more control over my happiness than before. I was gaining more confidence in the choices I was making and felt free to explore what I wanted to do and be, and I took the summer to do just that. 

There was an exercise we did at camp called StrengthsQuest, where you were required to fill out a long survey, and in the end it told you your top 5 talents. One item on my list was called “Developer”, which describes a person who “recognizes and cultivates the potential in others, spotting the signs of each small improvement and deriving satisfaction from evidence of progress”. I noticed that throughout many of my experiences, it was the “Developer” in me that was drawn in and curious. Working at camp, I loved helping counsellors grow. In my student teaching with the Con-Ed program, I loved seeing students wrap their heads around a new concept. In my own life, I was thriving on the ways I was able to improve my self-esteem and mental health. This last one in particular stayed close to my heart all summer. I couldn’t believe how far I had come from the devastation I felt in first year. I felt so powerful and emotionally strengthened, and I looked for any opportunity to see that along in others. 

As July approached, it was announced that a psychology Master’s student x camp alumni would be joining the summer team to conduct her research, which involved teaching our campers mindfulness strategies. I had taken PSYC100 in first year, as it was required for Con-Ed, and had really enjoyed it. My interest in the project, combined with my hands-on work with campers, really ignited an interest in me for psychology research. The Master’s student answered all my questions about her research, psychology and everything in between. My interest in psychology continued to grow, and by the end of the summer I had decided to try and add it as a minor in my degree!

I was unable to get the minor that late in the year, but over the course of second year, I took quite a few psychology courses, and they quickly became my favourite ones. I loved developmental psychology especially, and took a particular interest in Carol Dweck’s work on growth mindset (if you’re in psychology, I’m sure you’ve heard of it)! By the end of that year, I had decided I wanted to completely switch over to a psychology major. I had come to find a passion for the process of growth and wanted to learn everything about it. I imagined myself as a psychologist, creating new forms of therapy for clients and helping people achieve their own personal bests. My heart was set. 

 Though I knew where my heart was, it proved difficult to actually get myself there. By the time I knew exactly what I wanted to do, I was kind of “too late” - the opportunity to switch majors had ended, and would not come again until after the school year was over. I felt like I was being forced to continue in something I wasn’t passionate about for another year, and I was told that the psychology major would only become more difficult to get into as I went on in my degree. To my shock, most advisors pushed me to stay in chemistry. I couldn’t fathom why they were encouraging me to stick with something that I knew I didn’t have interest in. I felt like all throughout university and even before it, I had been urged to take on the mindset that I “didn’t need to have it all figured out”,  and opportunities to follow newfound interests would continue to be available to me throughout university. Yet all of a sudden, I felt like I was trapped. It didn’t seem like anyone was supporting my efforts to follow my passion. 

Despite that, I stuck with my decision to pursue psychology - if I needed to change schools in order to do that, I was willing to. I couldn’t apply for the 2020/21 year, so I continued with a few courses at Queen’s while applying elsewhere. I was sure I wouldn’t get into Queen’s psychology based on how hopeless the advisors made it seem. I spent my year in Kingston preparing to leave it behind. When April ended, I said what I thought would be a final goodbye to Queen’s. 

But it was not a final goodbye, because that May, I received the news that I had been accepted! I was shocked that I had made the cut. After hearing so many people advise me against attempting to switch, I felt it was pretty much a write-off at that point. Of course, I was thrilled that I would get to stay. I felt this would be my chance to make my Queen’s experience a good one. I was finally doing something that I was confident I would love, and I hoped that Queen’s would finally feel like the right place for me. 

I’m incredibly lucky to say that this dream has come true in every way. I love what I do, I have great friends, and I have been able to get involved in amazing opportunities (like joining the psychology DSC)! My Queen’s experience has completely turned around. What it took was sticking through the uncertainty and knowing that pursuing what I’m passionate about was worth the effort. Now that I’m in the right spot at Queen’s, it couldn't feel more like a home to me. I’m so glad I made the choices I did every step of the way. 

If you’re feeling displaced at Queen’s, I hope that you take my word that if you do the hard work to learn what you’re passionate about, it can only lead you in the right direction. If your path to getting where you’re going looks different, I hope you know that you’ll reach your destination in one way or another. Even in the face of discouragement, I urge you to push forward. It’s worth the wait.